How I Survived a Real-Life Villain (And Didn’t Look Cool Doing It)

Five years ago, my neighborhood gave me the unsettling realization that horror stories aren’t just on Netflix — sometimes, they happen while you’re folding laundry.

An elderly neighbor’s house was broken into. The intruder? A young man I’d seen strolling around plenty of times — coffee in hand, enjoying the sun like a perfectly normal human. That night… he was auditioning for a horror movie. Or maybe he was on superhero steroids. Either way, terrifying.

He busted her door in. My neighbor and I initially ran over because we could hear her alarm going off. That’s when it escalated: he suddenly stabbed her in the neck with a letter opener, then came to the front door. He saw me dialing 911, looked me dead in the eyes, and said, “I’m going to kill you, bitch.” Then he jumped off the stairs and started running at me. Cue me running back to my front door screaming for my ex to come out. That’s when we all tried — desperately — to hold him down. Spoiler: it did not go smoothly.

He even attacked a random young guy walking by. And me? I froze entirely, paralyzed with fear while on the phone with the police, unable to provide the calm, composed report they wanted. My ex’s response? Borderline anger that I wasn’t coping well enough. Thanks, emotional support, ex-style.

Six cop cars showed up. Tasers were deployed. Eventually, he was subdued — after getting naked and smearing… things… everywhere. (Yes, that actually happened.)

The paperwork later revealed he had zero drugs or alcohol in his system. Just untreated mental illness. And while I understand that intellectually, emotionally? I still carry some anger — and a fair amount of terror.

I also carry a little bit of weird ineptitude, because the other two people involved seemed totally unbothered, calm, like it was a Tuesday. Meanwhile, I’m replaying it in my head five years later, still questioning why my survival strategy was “paralyzed mess.”

Lesson learned: life can be chaotic, terrifying, and absurd all at once. Sometimes your neighbors are villains, sometimes the universe is a nightmare, and sometimes you just survive, laugh nervously afterward, and wonder how you made it out alive. And honestly? That’s enough.


S&S

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